I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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