Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I didn't notice because vodka
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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