and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
