tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
