Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
