felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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