Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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