Whod you bang
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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