She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
