put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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