I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
