The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
