I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
