I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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