I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
