Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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