I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Its about making memories worth repressing
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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