I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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