If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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