Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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