it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
