I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
