is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
