I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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