I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
