I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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