I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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