Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
No subtext here. People are naked.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
