I cannot find my penis.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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