i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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