her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
