I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
