he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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