There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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