He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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