I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize