i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
