check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
