it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize