Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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