i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize