thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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