i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
