She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
