how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
