i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize