After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
