how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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