let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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