I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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