my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
