I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I lost the right to judge tonight
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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