you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize