I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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