Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize