dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
