does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
