Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
