Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
