Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
