that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
