I wish my penis had an off switch
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
