I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize