So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
