Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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