There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
